Have you ever heard yourself say to a team member - "You're really great" - "You're a star" - I think you're brilliant" - "You're doing a great job!"

It's got to be a plus point that you're giving Confirming Feedback and there's nothing intrinsically wrong with any of the statements above; however, they could be better. There is also the danger that these statements could come across as a bit patronising.

Managers who find it a bit difficult to give Confirming feedback might also feel uncomfortable with these types of statements.

One of the other reasons for giving Confirming Feedback is to get more of the same behaviour; the statements above may not ensure that. Let me give you and example of what I mean.

Fred has just submitted a report which you're pleased with and you decide to tell him so - "That's a great report Fred; you're brilliant at writing reports!"

But what made the report great and why is Fred so brilliant at writing them? It would have been better to say - "I liked the way you structured that report Fred, the words you used and the use of diagrams made it easy for me to understand. Thank you for the time you have obviously put into it." Fred now knows what it is you like about his report and is more likely to write it in a similar way in the future.

This is what we call being Descriptive. You are describing to the team member what you saw or heard that you liked. This carries much more weight than a - "Well done!" Managers who are uncomfortable with Confirming Feedback find this easier to do because it takes the "emotion" out of the statement. There is also less risk of sounding patronising.

It's even more important to use descriptive statements when you see or hear something you're not happy with.

This is where we need to do a lot more thinking and a lot less reacting.

It's so easy to react when a team member does or says something we don't like. We say things like - "You've got the wrong attitude!"- "You're hopeless!" - "That was a stupid way to deal with that situation!" - "You'll need to shape up!" - "You're not very responsible!" Statements like these will only get the team members back up and won't get the change in behaviour you want.

Let's say that one of your team turns up late for the third time in a week. You decided to ignore the first two late situations but this third time has made you angry. You might say - "You've got the wrong attitude to this job, you're always late and I'm not having it. If you're late again you'll receive an official warning."

That statement is not descriptive, it's reactive. It stresses you, it de-motivates the team member and it's unlikely to resolve the situation. A descriptive statement would be - "I'm unhappy with the fact that you've been late for work three times this week. I'm willing to hear your reasons for being late and agree with you how we can prevent this happening in the future."

You're letting the team member know that you're not prepared to accept their lateness but you're willing to hear their side of the story. When you describe performance you are focussing on specific behaviour. You describe what you see and what you hear in clear terms that the team member can also see, hear and understand.

If you're not prepared to accept that then you need to tell them so. However, you may wish to make a judgement call and accept their timekeeping. At the end of the day it comes back to outcomes - are they producing the results? You may have to consider how their timekeeping affects the other members of the team.

I've only talked about lateness here however there are many other situations where you'll be required to give some Productive Feedback and coach people. It could be the way the team member speaks to a customer or a colleague. It could be for failing to produce the required results. Whatever it is, using descriptive statements and coaching the individual will resolve the situation in terms of your interests and the team members.